Sunday, January 17, 2010

My little Angel

Dearest Kiyomi,

It's 10 am on a Sunday morning as I write to you this letter. I was scheduled to go to work but was put on call because they do not need me at work at the moment. I fed you about an hour ago and put you down for your morning nap not too long ago and you are fast asleep like a little angel. I was laying in bed trying to nap but couldn't so I decided to use this little free time to write you a letter.

You are 15 weeks and 6 days today. I seriously cannot believe how fast time has come and gone. You are almost 4 months old. Sometimes I wish I could stop time because I'm afraid you are growing up too quickly. I was talking to your Papi the other day and told him that maybe we should have another baby because I miss the times when you were just newly born. Of course I'm just being silly because I know one baby right now is more than we can handle. I want to enjoy every moment with you and cherish the time we have together. Many people have given me parenting advice but the best one so far is when they tell me to cherish the time with you because you will grow up quickly before my eyes. I take pictures of you constantly because I want to capture every moment. It's almost an addiction. I know you will enjoy looking at them one day.

In that past months, you have changed so much. You used to stare off at the ceiling or lights all the time and would never focus on our faces. Now, not only do you look at us constantly, you smile and coo whenever you see us. One of my favorite things to see is when you hear your Papi's voice, you will look up from whatever you are doing, even nursing, and look at him. You follow his voice constantly. It's sooo cute. You are really the apple of your Daddy's eye.

Right before I was to return to work which was about 3 weeks ago, you were a different baby. You refused to sleep in your bassinet and had to be nursed to go to sleep. Now, you are such an angel and behaved baby. I think you finally found your routine and we know how your clock ticks. You sleep about 10 hours at night and have learned how to soothe yourself to sleep. I would nurse you in bed and put you down in your bassinet after you have eaten. You would look around quietly and play with your fingers...before we know it, you would be fast asleep and will not wake up until 8 or 9 in the morning when your stomach is empty and needs to be fed. You wake up smiling but would start crying if no one comes to get you and feed you. The morning is one of my favorite times of the day because we are so close. I love the stillness of the morning. I feed you in bed and we both just bond together. Then I would change your diaper and we would hang out (read a book, do belly time, or just sit down in the rocker together) for a while until you start yawning and I put you down for your morning nap. The rest of your day follows this way. You eat, have an hour or two of wake time and interact with your Papi and I, then take naps. You like napping in your swing in the afternoons though or in your carseat if we are out and about.

Since I have gone back to work, your Papi has been the one taking good care of you. It was so hard for me initially when I knew I had to go back to work and leave you at home. A week or so before I returned to work, I would just hug you and cry thinking that I had to leave you. I would tell you constantly that you had to be a good girl for your daddy. You may wonder why I have to work while your Papi stays home to take care of you. Our situation is kind of interesting right now. Your Papi does not have legal paper work to work right now and is doing his MBA instead to stay in the US legally. Once I become a US citizen, I can claim him and he can go back to work. I am thankful just to have him by our side regardless of the situation. I actually thank God daily for giving us this great opportunity so that one of us can be home with you while you are so little. My heart would break if I had to leave you in day care or if you had to be watched by a complete stranger. In fact, I believe that having your father take care of you while I work is such a gift. He gets to spend so much time with you and has the opportunity to bond with you like other fathers miss out on. You both have a great bond that hopefully no one can break.

You smile so much, are able to hold up your head on your own, and can sit up like a big girl on your bumbo chair. You are able to hold your little toys (ring of keys, rattle, etc) and throw them around. It is so much fun watching you do this on a daily basis. The funniest thing you do is when you sit on your bumbo chair, you tend to poop. You are such a smart girl. Maybe you think it's your little toilet or something. I'm hoping that this means you will potty train easily. Another thing you love to do now is suck on your fingers. It changes on a weekly basis though. You used to like sucking your left fist. Then you would do your index finger only. Now, you like the middle and ring fingers on your left hand. You do this to soothe yourself. You do suck on the pacifier when we give it to you, but if it falls, you go for your fingers. I guess because your fingers are easily accessible. We are hoping this habit doesn't last though and that you will learn to love your pacifier. People may think we are crazy but it's easier to get rid of a pacifier than your fingers.

I want to tell you how much your Papi and I love you. You are such a gift to us and we thank God every moment for giving us such a beautiful angel. You are the best gift he has given us in 2009. Even though you were not planned and were a surprise, we love you sooo much and are grateful for you.

I must end this letter now...till the next one.

I love you so much baby,