Almost 3 Months Old

My dearest baby Kimi,

As I watch your sweet angelic face sleeping peacefully in the bassinet beside my bed, I am compelled to write you this long overdue letter. My brain tells me that I better sleep while you are sleeping because you will probably be awake in a few hours wanting to drink milk, but my heart tells me that I should write to you since I may not get another chance like this again.

I've wanted to write to you since the day you were born, but my life has been consumed with caring for you constantly that I never got the chance to do so.

I promise I will write you a letter telling you all about your birth and the best thing that has happened to me this year.

You are 11 weeks and 1 day old today. I cannot believe that 3 months have almost come and gone so quickly. It feels like it was just yesterday when I found out I was expecting you...now I have a sweetheart who is almost 3 months old. Sometimes, I still cannot believe I really have a baby, a daughter who has my own flesh and blood, and will forever be a part of me. It is such an amazing feeling, one that cannot be explained; only experienced.

This past 11 weeks of my life has been so bittersweet. When I first took you home from the hospital, I thought caring for you would be a piece of cake since I am a NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) nurse. I was wrong of course. I had to learn like any new mom about how to care for a newborn baby. It was not easy. The first night you were home, you cried a lot and refused to be put down. You wanted to be nestled in my arms constantly. I remember crying that night because I was so tired and frustrated. Your Papsi and wonderful father took you from my arms and rocked you to sleep in the rocker while I got some sleep. When I think back to that time, I cannot help but smile because I realize how much you have changed and grown in such a small amount of time. Now that you are almost 3 months old, you constantly smile, coo, and interact with all of us. You are 14 lbs heavy and 24 inches long. I love waking up to you in the morning because you are all bright eyes and bushy tailed and smile as soon as you see me. You are like a breath of fresh air to me when I wake up in the morning. It makes all the difficult times bearable and easily forgotten.

In the past few weeks, you have been holding your head up straight and bobble a little only. You are soo strong and very advanced for your age. Everyone who meets you says that they cannot believe how alert and interact you are. You smile when people come up to talk to you or give you a smile. Lately, your hands have been your obssession. I'm not sure when it started, but I found you sucking your fingers one day. Since then, you have acquired that habbit and suck on your fingers with a gusto when I am not around to stop you. I find it so funny when I find you sucking on your left hand and have your right hand in a fist all raised up like you are ready to ask a teacher a question. You do great with belly time as long as you are full and well fed. You keep youself entertained by cooing and exploring your surroundings. The funniest thing that happens to you though is when you coo so much and get so excited that you end up getting the hiccups. I feel so bad when you have them because you look so uncomfortable. You get them almost on a daily basis because you get so excited and almost talk by making all these interesting sounds.

One thing that you love is being held constantly and talked to. What baby doesn't like that you would probably ask me. If you are in someone's arms, you are all smiles and carefree. It is so hard to put you down but we have to because we need to get things done and also train you not to be too spoiled. Trust me, putting you down and letting you cry is one of the hardest and painful things to do. I hate hearing you cry and see tears rolling down your red rimed eyes. Most of the time, someone succumbs to your cries and picks you up. Because of that, you are kind of spoiled and got nicknamed "Brattynella" by your grammy. Your Papsi and I are now trying to train you and have to let you cry.

I would love to write so much about all your developments in the past few weeks but I must end this letter now as the time is getting late.

I promise to write again soon if time permits and I will post up pictures of your birth and the past 2 months.

Know that I always love you and am so happy that I finally have a daughter of my own.

Yours always,
Mama

Ready or Not, You've Got to Come....

My Dearest Kimi,

As of today, September 26, 2009, Saturday, you have been in my belly for 40 weeks and 4 days. Actually, it really is 38 weeks and 4 days because technically you were not conceived until week 2. I will explain to you one day how all this womanly cycle thing works so you will understand.

In our human world, your due date is when you reach 40 weeks. By this time, it means that you are fully mature and ready to come out. They say plus or minus 2 weeks though since most people do not know what date their baby was actually conceived. I myself do not know what day you were actually conceived because I do not know when my ovary was exactly fertilized : )

I know you probably love being in my belly because it is such a cozy and warm environment. You are fed around the clock whenever I eat with no effort at all, your body temperature is constant and warm due to homeostasis, you can move, sleep, and wake up whenever you want without anyone dictating the right time. Even I would love to stay in that kind of environment. Unfortunately, you cannot stay in there forever because I am only human and have limitations. My placenta which has been keeping you nourished with food and oxygen will not be able to function too well after 42 weeks of doing it's job. It will start to deteriorate and will not be able to do it's job like it used to. Because of that reason, you will have to come out and continue to be nourished by me and your daddy.

You will soon learn that in our world, there are limitations to everything. In an ideal world, maybe you could stay in my belly forever...but then again, you would never be able to get to know me, your daddy, or your family. There is a good reason why you need to come out. God made us humans this way. We can interact with you, care for you, and most especially, love you. Your are the fruit of our Love (Your daddy and I). Love has to continue to grow and cannot just be stagnant. Your daddy and I love each other, and with that love, you were made and are the fruit of our love together. It's really a beautiful thing once you understand it. We cannot wait to hold you in our arms, care for you, and love you. Hopefully in return, you will learn how to love and pass on that love to others around you.

The doctors who have been caring for me during my whole pregnancy have given me a date for when I will have to be induced. It basically means that if you do not come out on your own naturally, they will give me medicine to allow my uterus to contract and go into labor so that you will be forced to come out. The big day is scheduled to start tomorrow, September 27, 2009, Sunday at 8:30 in the evening. We have been waiting for this big day to arrive. If you choose to come out on your own, you will have to do it before tomorrow evening. One way or another, hopefully, you will be in our arms by Monday. It is also a special day on Monday because it is the feast day of the one and only Filipino Saint, Lawrence Ruiz.

This will most likely be my last letter to you before you come out. The next time I write, it will be all about your birth and my delivery experience. I cannot wait to go through this special moment with you, even though I have to admit I am afraid of the pain and anything that could possibly go wrong.

Everyone has been praying for you and me all over the world, from the Philippines, Taiwan, Nicaragua and all over the US. We are truly blessed to be loved by so many. Everyone is waiting for your arrival and to see pictures of you.

We love you dearly and cannot wait to spend the next years of our life with you.

Yours always,
Mama

Kimi's Corner All Ready for Her

Updated Pregnancy Photos

False Alarm!!!

Dearest Kimi,

You are still in my belly but already have become a drama queen who likes to keep your parents in suspense and constant excitement.

Yesterday, the 23rd of September, I woke up suddenly at 2:30 in the morning because of intense back pain and cramping to my abdomen. I tried to sit up, change positions, and even went to the bathroom to empty my bladder but the pain would not go away. I thought to myself, it must be labor contractions that are starting. I tried to go back to sleep but the pain kept me awake for a long while. I debated whether or not to wake your Papsi up but decided against it because I wanted him to get a good night's rest if I was truly in labor and had to go into the hospital later that morning. It was so hard to figure out if I was really experiencing true labor contractions because I have never experienced them in my whole life. You are my first baby of course so this experience is so foreign to me. I never had braxton hicks during my whole pregnancy so I really had no clue. I kept waiting to feel for my bag of waters to break or something else to happen to tell me that I was really in labor. But nothing happened. I must have dozed off but woke up again around 4:30 because of the same pain that was getting worse. I got up to empty my bladder again because I felt the need to constantly empty it.

Finally, around 5:30 in the morning, I decided that your Papsi had enough sleep and I had to wake him up because I was getting really uncomfortable. He got up right away and got his watch to help me time my contractions. But, I really didn't know how to time it since I felt like my belly was constantly hard and painful. Your Papsi told me to check my underwear to see if anything is showing down there. True enough, when I pulled down my pants, my little pad had a glob of dark brown blood and had fluid accumulated all over. Your Papsi said "Yep, that's your water that broke." Because I am a nurse, I said "let's not assume it's my bag of water that broke, it may just be a mucus plug or bloody show." Since we were not sure and the pain I was feeling was not getting any better, I decided better to call the doctor. Dr. Silas, my favorite OB called right back and asked me to go into Fairfax Hospital to be checked. Your Papsi was so excited for your arrival that he woke up his parents and told them to get ready for the big day. He took a nice shower and put on his favorite pink button down shirt to celebrate your arrival. We got everything packed into the car ready to welcome you.

As I arrived in the hospital, I was brought into Triage and hooked on monitors to check for your heart rate activity and my contractions. The nurse was not very happy with your HR and asked me when I last ate. I told her my last meal was dinner the night before. She asked me why I had not eaten since dinner the night before. I told her I was not hungry and felt nauseated with the pain I was having since 2 am. I was slightly annoyed because she expected me to be like her. She had replied to me and said that when she was pregnant, she ate constantly. Hello! I'm not like her. I eat only when I'm hungry and not around the clock. Anyway, she ended up giving me some juice to wake you up a bit. Your HR was fine after that...I knew you were ok because you kept moving. You do love to sleep in the morning though regardless if I eat a heavy breakfast or not so I was not surprised when you didn't have much activity when they hooked you to the monitor.

Anyway, it was showing that I was having contractions on the monitor but the nurse said it was not strong enough because I was still able to smile and talk. Dr. Berry, the new OB on shift came to say hello and said he would check me out in a while. I was not too happy to see him since I wanted to have Dr. Silas instead. Eventually, the nurse told me that I will most likely be sent home and will have to come back when the contractions get stronger either later in the evening, the next day or the day after. Finally, Dr. Berry came to see him and did a vaginal exam. He did say that I had a bloody show but that my bag of waters was still intact. He wanted me to go home and rest and come back if anything more exciting happens.

I keep telling your Papsi and your Auntie Mandie that maybe when you found out it was Dr. Berry there instead of Dr. Silas, you decided to delay your debut...hahaha!

I was glad to go home and get some rest because I had been up all night long in pain.

I guess the contractions were not real labor contractions yet and just practice contractions for the big day! I got your Lim and Kubota Grandparents too excited and everyone who had found out wanted to know if you were born already. You do love the suspense I'm sure! I know you will come when you are good and ready. I'm hoping in a day or two before my scheduled induction on Sunday.

Thank you for letting me sleep through out the night though and not coming just yet because I was in need of a good night's rest.

So many people including your Papsi and I are sooo excited for you to finally make your appearance. Please don't let us wait too long ok? We want to hold you already and welcome you into our family!

Love you so much,

Your Mama

Waiting Patiently for Your Big Debut

My Dearest Kimi,

I am now 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant. Tomorrow is the big day for your Due date, Sept 22nd 2009. I have been waiting patiently for you to make your appearance into this world for the past few weeks. The desire has only gotten stronger with the last 2 weeks. Everyone keeps telling me that I have to be patient and wait for the right time. I have been praying about it and really practicing the virtue of patience. Now, I am so used to you being in my big round belly that I'm not sure if I want you to come out just yet. I've gotten so comfortable with having a round ball in front of me constantly that I really don't mind anymore.

Luckily, I am able to rest/sleep well at night even though I do wake up once in a while to empty my bladder or just look at the clock. I have been on maternity leave for the past two weeks so my body is relaxed and not stressed out about having to go to work. Also, your Kubota grandparents Ogisan and Obasan (Gigi and Baba) have been here since September 2 and have spoiled me rotten. They feed me healthy and freshly cooked food 3 times a day and don't let me lift a finger to do anything. Maybe that's why my cervix has not dilated because I don't get to do all the things I used to do before. I really cannot complain because I am truly lucky to have them here and care for me. They love you and me so much even though they have not met you yet. Your BaBa prays the rosary for you and me daily and offers us up to Mama Mary. It's so touching and heart warming to hear her pray for us both. Your Baba is truly special and we are lucky to have her. I am grateful and thankful that they decided to come early to help us out.

Last week, I was constantly complaining about my belly being so heavy and my feet swelling up like Fred Flintsone's feet (Yabadabadooo feet). Everyone around me has been very encouraging and told me to pray and be patient. Since then, I've had a peace around me and I can look at my feet and just laugh at them. I look at the stretch marks in my belly and say that it's part of life and being a mother. No matter what, I am thankful for having them because at least I am able to get pregnant and be an instrument of God in this wonderful Miracle of Life. Some people are longing to get pregnant and will never be able to have the opportunity. Even though you were a surprise to us, we are ever grateful and happy to have you. It is truly an honor to be bearing you inside of me and helping you grow from a little cell to a real human baby. It's an experience that is hard to describe. Only mothers who have gone through the same experience will be able to understand how I am feeling. There is sooo much joy in it despite the difficulties, aches, and pains. I chose to focus on the joys than the aches and pain.

You have 5 more days to enjoy my warm belly environment my dearest baby before the doctors will have to force you to come out on Sunday. It is for your safety that we also have to force you to come out. My placenta will have done it's best and will start to deteriorate as the days go by. For now, I am scheduled to go into Fairfax Hospital where your Auntie Mandie works on Sunday evening at 8:30 pm where they will give me medicine and start your journey to the outside world. We are sooo excited to meet you already and hold you in our arms. Everyone is waiting for your Big Debut, my princess!!!

Just wanted to tell you that we love you sooo dearly and cannot wait to see you real soon!

Yours always,
Mama

Princess Party for the little princesses

My dearest Kimi Chan,

A few weeks ago when I was 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant, the ladies I work with at the Special Care Nursery in Sibley hosted a baby shower for me and another co-worker Deirdre who is also expecting a baby girl. The called it the "Princess Party for the little princesses."

The party was hosted by Lynnie who lives in Bethesda. We had it at her beautiful home. Everyone brought really yummy food and Jane baked 2 special cakes for Deirdre and I. It was such a heart warming event. My co-workers treated us like real princesses.

Below are pictures from the event:

The cutest Japanese Kimono T-shirt from Haley. I love it!!!

More sleepers from Beth! I can't get enough of them...you will enjoy sleeping in them my darling.

Look at all the generous gifts. Aren't they just so sweet!

Generous clothes basket from my boss Pauline! Imagine, you have clothes for next summer and 4th of July already. I'm so grateful.

Deirdre and I with the beautiful and yummy cakes.

What an adorable cake with a little girl baby on it. It was a chocolate cake. Real Yummers!

Couldn't have a princess party without a cake with a Tiara. How precious. It was a delicious lemon cake.

Time to cut and eat the yummy cakes says all the ladies.

All the gifts given by the special care nursery ladies. Thank you all for being so kind and generous. Kimi will look adorable in them and will enjoy all the books, toys, and blankets : )

Ok, that's it Kimi love...next blog!

Love always,
Your Mama