Heavy Heart

My dearest Kimi baby,

It's been months since I last wrote you a letter on this blog. Shame on me for real but life just isn't the same since you turned 6 months old. I did write you a letter on your baby book last month when you spent the night with your Tita Mandie & Tito Andre because I missed you terribly and didn't know what to do with myself that night.

I just had to write you a letter this evening because I read a sad sad story about a mommy and daddy who lost their 4 month old baby girl recently. My heart goes out to them and words cannot express the sadness I am feeling at this moment. I don't think any parent deserves to lose a child. No one should ever have to experience the pain of having to say goodbye to their baby. I would love to ask God why these things happen...but I know there must be a reason....a good reason. We may not understand it now, but maybe someday. I pray for this special couple tonight whom I don't even know, that their hearts be healed one day of this loss.

Kimi, I want to tell you that your Papa and I love you sooo sooo much. You are almost 17 months (6 days shy of being 17 months old today) old. When I put you to bed at night, I always have to make the sign of the cross on your forehead, pray the "Now I lay you down to sleep" prayer, and the "Guardian Angel" prayer and thank God for giving me such a beautiful gift and another wonderful day with you. Like I told my friend earlier, being a mother is such a privilege given to me by God. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it...but I am thankful that I was entrusted to do it.

Since the day you were born, you have been such a source of joy to our lives. It may not be easy all the time because raising a child has it's challenges...but we are thankful everyday that we have you.

Now that you are almost 17 months, you run all over the place, say so many words and talk like crazy, copy almost everything I do, follow me like a shadow, eat almost anything, and give the best hugs and kisses. Everyday spent with you is like being on a rainbow.

As I type this letter, I am watching you on the video monitor on the nightstand next to our bed and see you sleeping peacefully like an angel. You are truly an angel given to us by God.

Your Papa and I look forward to the coming months and years with you.

We love you so very very much my baby.

Yours always,
Mama